As I started thinking about this week’s post- I was flooded with about 3 million random thoughts that would make zero sense jumbled into one little blog post. But then again, my brain is much like a snow globe with a million thoughts floating around- yet trapped in a VERY small vestibule.
So what are my deep thoughts this week? So glad you asked ;)
Summer swim is the best invention ever. Regardless of your child’s swim ability.
Healthcare is a debacle.
Never say never. This is my favorite saying. If I were a tattoo girl, I would definitely get that tatted somewhere on my old wrinkly body.
And last but not least, take care of yourself. Seriously, before you start to decay- I think preventative measures are important. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes!
Okay, so why the crazy cacophony of deep thoughts? This week was another doozy.
It is no secret that old age has been chasing me down….and I am struggling to outrun the many medical challenges that present for women post our child bearing years. I will admit that I am likely a more complicated case. I can’t remember if I have written about the pregnancies I lost but I think losing my first pregnancy was when I truly grew-up and sorta lost my innocence. My pregnancy with Izzy was a breeze. Liliana forced me on bed rest for 4 months and then she was breech so I had to have a c-section. Still a great experience! But apparently, the c-section left behind more scar tissue than normal and when I got pregnant again a year later…the pregnancy took up camp in my fallopian tube due to the scar tissue blocking traffic. Lance was in grad school, we had 2 little kids, and the pain didn’t seem that bad- until it was…By the time I got to the ER, I was bleeding out. I just remember this big mean scary lady coming at me with a syringe and I asked what she was putting in my IV.
Big mean scary lady said “morphine.”
Young innocent Heather said, “I can’t have morphine, I’m pregnant.”
Big mean scary lady’s response “not for long honey, you are headed into surgery.”
I just remember crying hysterically and screaming “I want my mommmmmmm!”
Anyway, that should have been the beginning of me no longer taking my body for granted. I had life saving surgery- yet only lost one fallopian tube. A year later I chose to have my second tube surgically removed due to another ectopic pregnancy (which was caught much earlier, TG!)
But that was the beginning of our fertility journey. I assumed I would be the best IVF candidate- I mean, I got pregnant pretty easily- I just didn’t have some of the key organs. NBD. Fast forward to lots of doctors, lots of money and lots of tears; and Bensten was born. Such an amazing blessing. But my body had been pumped full of hormones and meds for 5 years to conceive him- and it took its toll. But Lance and I had wanted a big family, so I was not ready to throw in the towel. Fun fact, Bensten and Boeden were actually “conceived” at the same time. Pretty sure no one would ever confuse them for twins!
I sorta knew the hormones and craziness would catch up with me eventually. But when I started having all sorts of perimenopause symptoms last year- I realized there are literally no doctors that focus on people in this ‘era’…. So I signed on with a concierge primary care physician (he does not accept insurance.) And I signed on with a menopause specialist (she also does not take insurance.) Surely if I was paying out my eyeballs, someone would be able to fix me.
About 2 weeks ago I started having weird pains. I would call them pelvic pains, but they shot down my legs at times. One of my girl friends saw me working out and said I looked like a “British soldier”- so I assumed my aggressive workouts might have caused the pain. Once again, I did not take it seriously…..which is perhaps my fatal flaw. This past Tuesday I finally felt bad enough and went to see my OB/GYN. She suggested I go straight to the ER. I am not an ER girl, so I had planned to ignore the advice. But my ER nurse of a child Izzy had driven me to the appointment- and despite me making her pull into a few parking lots while I stalled and tried to talk my way out of a trip to the ER- I eventually ended up in the ER.
As my blood results came back within range, I was getting sorta cocky. The tech came to wheel me to the CT scan and she was raving about how young I look. I literally asked her to be my best friend and told her she was now in my will…..Lance was with me and at one point I called him “babe” and she said “oh is this your husband?” I was like- um, yes?!?! No one has ever thought I looked younger than Lance. So she was now eligible for my entire inheritance!
As they put me on the CT table, I was chatting with my new BFF and not feeling terribly stressed. As the machine started moving me into the tube, my new bestie came running back into the room yelling:
“Wait, stop, you might be pregnant!!!!”
As much as I would love to be a medical miracle- my lack of fallopian tubes made me pretty certain I was not pregnant!!!! Pay no attention to the fact that I am also 50!!! WHERE WERE MY FANCY DOCTORS THAT WERE CASHING MY CHECKS??? Surely they would know I was not pregnant and be able to help me out?!!?
Long story short, my various doctors trying to get my hormones in check had apparently over fed an ovarian cyst- and when it ruptured this weekend, I was grateful that I did not have to change my “Half Doz” plates! (I'm looking at you MM!!!)
But HOLY CRAP!! I have tried to stay on top of my health….I seem to have been barking up the wrong tree and will try to find better specialists- especially since the menopause specialist that I gave a mere kidney to still has not responded to my messages, nor the inquiries from the ER doc. Perhaps not money well spent, eh?!?! But to the extent that you can start thinking about the hormone changes that grace most women….I would strongly encourage you to stay ahead of the fire breathing dragon headed your way!!!
So how does this relate to summer swim? Good question. I chose not to tell anyone about this little medical hiccup. Not even my mom (Sorry, Mom!) But my girls canceled all their swim lessons to come help take care of me and the boys, so people started to catch on. Despite them not knowing any details- they rallied. They offered to bring meals. They offered to take our boys. They made us feel so loved. Our village came charging in- and while we did not need them, I am just so grateful for our village. But here’s the deal- our village was not some preconceived plan. Somehow our sorta ghetto summer pool attracts the best people. The best adults. The best kids. The just learning to swim kids. The runner who just likes to swim with their friends in the summer and the D1 collegiate swimmer- everyone is treated the same! I cannot say enough good things about the healthy culture of a summer swim team. And our little “ghetto” pool has been in just about every division- including a few stints in D1 (unfortunately). Regardless of our roofless bathrooms and perpetually broken pool heater- our pool has really good people. And there is no better way to spend your summer than with good people!!
And as much as I would love to say the “Never Say Never” is about a 5th Schone child…..I do believe my family is capped out at Half Doz. But I never thought Boeden would be a part of our swim team. And his swim skills will likely never be similar to his sisters- but his love of summer swim is identical! And I never thought 3 of my 4 kids would be coaching and loving our little pool community. I never thought I would have a nurse as a child, forcing me to take care of myself. I never thought old age would hit so hard, so soon!!! FIFTY is no joke- so start battening down the hatches and preparing! My mom says she never experienced any menopause symptoms. Clearly that is a recessive gene and I marvel at her every single day!!! Or maybe her generation didn’t feel comfortable talking about it…..all I know is that I want to run races with my son. I want to do crazy workouts with my daughter. I want to seem young enough to be pregnant at 50! So while I can't control every aspect of my destiny- I can promise you that I am not going down without a fight!!! This week, making cookies was a fight- but hopefully I will get all these medical issues in check so I can keep baking for you all- and keep up with my kiddos!
XO,
H
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