Letting Go, Letting Him Grow

There is no question that we are living during a complicated time. The daily news usually has a lot of sadness. My newsfeed can be very depressing. I think I mentioned that about 9 months ago I started seeing a therapist. I have seen therapists in the past- and maybe they just weren’t the right match. This therapist feels more like a friend, but a friend that isn’t afraid to challenge me and help me see things from a different perspective. She has been a godsend in keeping a positive or logical perspective when life throws me curveballs.

A few weeks ago I was venting about something Boeden had done, and she said she noticed Boeden is often a source of your frustration. We organically started discussing his learning challenges, his personality, his ability to manipulate me…..That day she told me I was no longer allowed to help him make his bed. (He would usually get it started and then ask me for help.) That night I explained to Boeden that my therapist is trying to make me a better mom and said I am not allowed to help him make his bed. But if he doesn’t make his bed, he won’t be allowed on his ipad. It has been 3 weeks and he has not missed a day. And boy - he can make a really good bed. But he knew I would always sweep in and help, so he was smart and let me do the heavy lifting. And he has not complained about it once. I was an enabler in the worst way!

Anyway, during the course of our conversations about Boe, she asked to see Boeden’s neuropsych testing and recent school evaluations. The next week, the first thing out of her mouth was “Heather, this is terrible.” I actually appreciated her honestly and that someone finally saw my sadness. My frustration. My fear that I was failing my child. She has a relationship with Bill and Starr Stixrudd and offered to set up a call. They too were very confused by Boeden’s testing/ scores.  In an effort to make sure Lance and I retire and live in a tent, they suggested we have Boe re-tested immediately and re-evaluate our education plan for him. (Neuropsych testing is so damn expensive!!!!!) It definitely shook us in many ways. But my overwhelming feeling was sadness. We thought we were doing everything right. All the specialists. Therapists. The best school for language based learning challenges. But something was not clicking.

Then the most amazing thing happened.  Everyone knows Boeden has a passion for landscaping and lawncare. Frankie Murphy (president of Advantage Commercial Landscape) has been a family friend for years and has always had a soft spot for Boeden. He knew Boeden was going to be on Spring Break and offered to take Boeden to work with him one day. I thought for sure Boeden’s anxiety would stand in the way, but shockingly Boeden was all in. In fact, he was really really excited.

Frankie picked him up at 8:15 am and I said a quick prayer and sent him on his way. Boeden went on to have THE BEST DAY OF HIS LIFE. He went to job sites all across Loudon and Fairfax County. He met irrigation specialists, tree specialists, landscape architects…..I am not sure I even know everything they did….he ate lunch in the conference room with the team. Throughout the day, we received pictures of them at various places and Boeden’s smile melted my mom heart. I am not sure I have ever seen such genuine happiness.

When Frankie returned him at 4pm Boeden was as close to a puddle as possible, and ended up falling asleep in his clothes that evening!  He was truly the happiest I had ever seen him.(That includes Christmas, new puppies….nothing could compare to the experience Frankie gave him!) Our hearts were so full. Frankie did not need to take a day out of his busy schedule to take Boeden under his wing. But that simple act of kindness has likely had the most profound impact on our son.

Boeden was not happy when we told him he will be doing neuropsychological testing again in a few weeks. But then we explained that in order to have a job like Frankie, we need to make sure he can learn to read and write, and he certainly needs to understand math so he can get paid like Frankie ;)

Anyway, Frank Murphy is the good in the world. If we could all be a little more like Frank, just think how much better our world would be. If we could all positively affect just one person who is struggling….The power of showing up for someone else is a win win!

So that is my goal. To be more like Frank. To nurture other people’s kids in ways that maybe the parents don’t know how. Or to simply be a source of happiness in someone's life when it’s not an expectation- rather a gift!

Below is our Easter menu. Everything will be available to order today at 2pm on our website!

(And also lots of pictures of my happy boy on the best day of his life!)

xo,

Heather