The other day I posted on Instagram that Izzy won ‘Rookie Clinician of the Year’ for her side hustle with Fitter Faster. (When her BC swim season was canceled, she knew she would drive herself crazy with all the idle time, so she looked for ways to stay busy. Fitter Faster sorta landed in her lap, and she quickly realized it was a great opportunity. I think she has a natural ability when it comes to coaching, swimming is a part of her DNA and she can coach just the clinics that work with her schedule.) Anyway, lots of people sent nice comments to my post. But one comment, which I totally believe was meant in a nice way, asked “when I was going to write a handbook on parenting.”
My initial knee jerk reaction was ‘oh God do I brag about my kids too much?’
But then I thought about it- and I realized that my role as their mom has only played a very small part in making my kids who they are. I really don’t take credit for the awesome humans they are becoming. Yes, they have inherited some of my good qualities, as well as plenty of my not-so-good qualities! But when I really reflect on what has had the biggest effect on my kids, I think it boils down to 4 things:
1.They know they are loved. Truly, the only thing I have always known I can give my kids is unconditional love. Parenting is full of ups and downs and highs and lows. And I am sure we have quite a few still to come. But at the end of the day, I accept these 4 humans unconditionally, and I think they know that. They know I will love them when they win awards, just as much as I will love them when they mess up. We have never expected our kids to be perfect- in fact, we have encouraged them to NOT be perfect. (I have a few pleasers in my brood- so this has been harder than one would expect!) But my goal has been for them all to know that through thick and thin, I will always love them. And in a sense, that gives them the freedom to be whomever they are meant to be.
2.Life experiences. I can safely say that despite how much we love our kids, we cannot protect them from everything. But looking back, I think some of the most challenging, gut wrenching experiences have molded my kids into the people they are. Not making the team. Not being included in social events. Learning differences. Having a sibling with developmental delays. Having pets. Losing pets. Obviously Lance’s stroke and Bensten’s accident have had a tremendous influence on who my kids are becoming. I will never forget when Bensten was asked to throw out the opening pitch at McLean Little League just after he was released from inpatient rehab. We were not sure he was up for it, so I was a nervous wreck. As he was huddled in a dug out trying to avoid all the stimulation, Supervisor Foust came up to us. In the nicest possible way, he said “When I read that YOUR son was hit by a car, I couldn’t believe it. I mean the irony after you spent all those years getting the sidewalk approved and installed in your neighborhood.” Trust me, the irony was not lost on me either. But he proves my point. Despite our best intentions, we can only do our best. We cannot always protect our kids.
3. I have not been shy about sharing my dislike of playdates. I have always felt that siblings are your built-in playmates. I am one of six kids, and my best childhood memories involve my siblings. And I always hoped to create the same type of home for my own kids. I think this philosophy has helped create a pretty tight bond between my kids. (Some might call it forced friendship. Say what you will…..) I never told them they have to attend their siblings' sports events or school plays. They just genuinely liked watching their siblings do what they love. (Aside from Boeden watching swim- meets. He might actually have an allergic reaction to sitting still in the stands for long periods of time!) As I type this, we are in Boston for Izzy’s senior swim banquet. Lance, Boeden, Bensten and I flew in yesterday. Liliana has a ton going on at school in North Carolina- she just started an awesome research internship with one of her professors, plus she is finally in her off season so she is excited to have some college fun. We told her she should not fly all this way for the 2 hour banquet.
Well, she just texted that she landed in Boston and is in an Uber on her way to our AirBnB to surprise Izzy. I mean, I could ask for nothing more. Any time I have all 4 kids together is such a blessing. And don’t get me wrong, we don’t all sit around holding hands singing Kumbuya. There are so many eye rolls, snarky comments and straight up fighting. We often suffer from group paralysis. There are differing interests- our age gap is 11 years between Iz and Boe. But at the end of the day- there is mutual love and respect. And I don’t take credit for this…I just copied what my mom did.
And I can’t forget to say you have to marry someone who is a good human in order to have amazing kids. I give Lance so much credit for the amazing kids we have. He is kind. Calm. Compassionate. And he is just as invested in our kids as I am…..
Honestly, I am just lucky. Really really lucky.
So, while I won’t be writing a manual of any type, I will be baking lots of yummy stuff for Easter, can you believe Easter is next weekend? It definitely snuck up on all of us!
Have a great weekend!
Xo,
Heather
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