Holding On While Letting Go

Hi! Happy New Year!!  I have loved taking a few weeks off of baking- mostly to get my house organized. One of my activities was to go through all the children’s books we have acquired over the years that my kids have now outgrown. I think Lance thought I was crazy when I started sorting by the books I wanted to keep for our future grand kids versus the ones we could give away.  But there are certain stories/ books that created core memories….memories so simple but at times, they can take my breath away.  I feel like my kids grew up in the blink of an eye.

Back when I worked, I would come home, and our amazing nanny Marie would have the girls all bathed and dressed in jammies. I was always a sucker for nice kid’s jammies/ nightgowns. There was something so serene about clean kids tucked in bed. I would read them a quick book, and it was the perfect ending to my day. Eloise in the Plaza. Pinkalicious. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. (I didn’t have to introduce The Boy Who Cried Wolf until Boeden was born!!)

Our evenings these days look very different. First, I rarely leave the house! And fortunately all my kids know to bathe on their own! Most days I don’t even know who will be home at any given time. Just this week, Bensten had 2 evening calls with college running coaches- which is so bittersweet. I am so excited for him, but the reality of college still leaves me with a huge pit in my stomach. 

As I sat sorting books, I was kinda taking a stroll down memory lane and trying to decide which stage of raising kids is the best. Or which stage is the hardest.

I have several friends plus my brother and SIL who have little ones. I certainly don’t miss the sleepless nights or the immature immune systems and constant sniffles.  But all the firsts are sooooo exciting. And seeing life through the lens of an unjaded, perfectly naive little kid is kinda awesome. Life just seemed to move at a slower pace when they were little. 

I think the truth is that every single age/stage has pros and cons. Little ones are exhausting. Big kids are not as exhausting, but old age makes me feel much more tired, so the exhaustion is just as real.BUt I think older kids can tug at our heart strings a little more.  But the real conversations and profound emotions are pretty cool. And I can say that NOT being my kids best friend growing up has allowed me to be best friends with Iz and Lil now, and that might be the greatest gift ever. (I know Bensten is super close with Lance right now but I think he and I have a pretty tight bond that as he gets older will evolve in the same way as my relationship with the girls).  Boeden is still sorta trapped in between being a little kid and a big kid. He still gives me a run for my money, but he is becoming very aware of other’s feelings and he is the first one to notice if my face seems sad, and he will ask if I am okay. So I have high hopes that once we get through the teen years he too will be my buddy!

As I write this, we are driving to North Carolina for Liliana’s last home swim meet and her senior banquet. I am not kidding when I say I feel like it was just yesterday that I was tying her hair up in high flops with big ribbons. It really does go by too fast. So for all you young parents, savor every single minute. And for you parents of big kids, I know watching them fly is bittersweet. I wish I had advice- as of right now, I am just hoping to not bawl at Lil’s senior banquet. 

But I will be back baking this week. (I tried to include the most requested items on the instagram poll.) And I have gotten quite a few special orders for Valentines Day, so if you think you might need a special order please reach out- I might have extra time as none of my kids make Valentines any more :(