A Note From My Kitchen (and My Heart)

I am not very good about keeping up with my blog. But I think you all know that baking and writing are my favorite outlets, so I tend to write when I need to process something…..

And lately, I have needed outlets more than ever in my life. So this might be a very raw blog post, but I feel like you all know the real Heather- and you deserve to know that things aren’t always easy- even if we try our best to make them appear that way.

I think I have made mention that I had “a total breakdown” over the summer. I didn’t give a whole lot of details, but the episode helped encourage me to start seeing a therapist. I have always encouraged my kids to do therapy and work through emotions and whatnot, but I definitely struggled to justify the expense and the time for myself. And honestly, I have done therapy in the past, and it didn’t really seem to help all that much. I always walked away feeling like ‘this is me, for better or for worse and I need to accept that’.

But over the summer, something snapped in me. It might have been Bensten getting his drivers permit. Or our initial talks about college. Or watching him fall in love with running and be gone for hours on end….mapping his own course. 

I think my crazy perimenopausal hormones also played a role. And Izzy working in the Peds ER and sharing stories about so many families that didn’t get “lucky”. As well as anticipating Lil graduating from college and helping her navigate the uncertainty that becoming an “adult” entails. (Lots of job interviews, plenty of rejection and the reality of entering the workforce at a very uncertain time in our country!)

For so many years, I think I was literally high on gratitude. I cannot explain it, but I would say the one constant emotion I felt was gratefulness.  Or maybe good luck. Between Lance’s stroke and Bensten’s accident- we were so lucky with both outcomes. But this summer, something shifted, and I think I started to worry that some imaginary statute of limitations had expired and my luck had worn out. That there was another shoes that could drop at any minute. I know this sounds crazy, but in a sense, I felt like I had been too lucky, so that must mean I should prepare for my luck to run out. I'm not sure what I thought the “other shoe” would be….but it was an ambiguous feeling of constant fret.

Anyway, my “breakdown” was essentially an overwhelming feeling of being incredibly fearful. Lance had to miss an important business trip because I felt so off. He literally stayed by my side, forcing me to eat (I cannot eat when I am anxious- I lost a lot of weight really quickly). And just so you don’t picture rainbows and butterflies and Lance serving breakfast in bed- he literally told me if I don’t eat and my organs shut down and our kids have to see me taken to the hospital it will be incredibly traumatic to the people I love most! So he set a timer and I had to eat something every 2 hours- no questions asked!!  AND, we found an amazing therapist who is very real, and doesn’t just tell me what I want to hear. She is incredibly expensive, and when her prices went up in the new year, I told Lance I was maybe going to stop seeing her. Lance NEVER tells me what to do. But he very nicely said he did not think that was a good idea. And I am honestly grateful. She has been a huge blessing in my life!

I am still working through some hang ups. I never thought that 11 years after B’s accident and Lance’s stroke I would still be feeling the effects. Especially after so many blissful years in between. But I guess that’s life- we don’t always know what is coming down the road….and for my personality that is really hard. I guess that might be why the bakery brings me comfort. I can make a plan (menu) and set a quantity and I know exactly what I am dealing with.  So even when my kids are throwing me curve balls,  the bakery is my constant. So again, I have to thank all of you for allowing me to bake for you!

And to further debunk my theory that some other shoe is bound to drop- yesterday Lil received a job offer from an amazing law firm in DC!  The interview process was intense, but she learned a lot about the people and the culture along the way, and I feel like it is a great opportunity! But she didn’t get lucky- she worked really hard. Maybe I need to realize that good luck is usually accompanied by hard work!  Look at me becoming my own therapist! 

And, I have to apologize for the lack of structure in our bakery schedule lately. What is up with so many holidays- all lumped so close together. (Fat Tuesday is a full month earlier this year?!?!) So for the next few weeks, here is the plan:

So for the next few weeks, here’s the plan:

• Friday, February 13: Valentine’s Day offerings (If items sell out, please hit “notify” — I am actively working on increasing inventory.)

• Monday, February 16: Fat Tuesday / King Cake Bonanza

• Possible flash sale: Energy bites sometime this week, since INOVA ER is currently running on Schone’s Scones Energy Bites — and with all the sledding injuries, they clearly need fuel!

• Friday, February 27 & March 6: Back to our regular schedule

• No baking Friday, March 13 Baking Monday, March 16 for St. Patrick’s Day

And that’s as far out as I can plan right now.

Hope you all are doing well! Thanks for being in the Schone’s Scones fam!

xo,

Heather

Sometimes I can't juggle everything!!